Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
