My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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