i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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