i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
