I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
