it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
