Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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