I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
