If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
God, I missed his penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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