Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
