Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
