His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
