I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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