I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
