JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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