Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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