Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So squirting runs in the family.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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