Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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