We need to rekindle our bromance
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
