I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
