Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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