my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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