I am puke
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
