I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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