is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
