u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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