Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
