whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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