My room smells like vodka and shame
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
