I'm really into asian looking animals
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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