wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
