just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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