my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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