How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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