When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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