you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
