I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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