what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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