Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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