clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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