The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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