I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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