he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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