im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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