She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.