So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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