Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
