Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
