how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
