So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
