You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
