Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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