I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
