what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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