her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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