I cannot find my penis.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
