I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
