hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
