i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
