who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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