I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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