i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
