some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
