I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
