walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
