I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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