I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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