Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
