At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
