Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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