You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This baby is an asshole
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
