I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
