There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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