ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
