i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
