Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
