you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
