I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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