apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
