when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
