Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
