i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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