My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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