Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
